As a leader, many times we find ourselves in very public situations. In these cases, we must carry
ourselves with the utmost diplomacy and tact. To do so, portrays a positive and professional image
to your audience. Knowing how to interact with a myriad of different people and in different
situations is key important when being a leader. To learn the ins and outs of etiquette can
sometimes be very tricky, but with a little practice even the most difficult situation can be
navigated with ease.
Some once told me that a leader must live their life in a fishbowl, their every move on display.
For that reason, and many others, it is important for leaders to understand and practice, some
simple rules of etiquette. It isn’t about knowing with which fork to eat your salad, though that is
important on some level. It is more about showing that you care about others, how you treat them
and how you make them feel.
Some Basics to Remember
These are some good rules of thumb to put into practice in everyday situation in which you may find
yourself.
• Open doors for others and them to enter first. If you are entering a door and someone is
behind you, hold the door until the person behind can grab it. If someone holds the door
for you, say “thank you”.
• Always greet someone when they come to meetings, conferences, etc. If you are a guest
somewhere, be pleasant and introduce yourself to people. Whether at home or elsewhere,
always pick up after yourself.
• Wait your turn and do not interrupt other people when they are speaking.
• Be a good sport. Win graciously, LOSE MORE GRACIOUSLY!
• Take compliments well. Say “thank you”, and avoid putting yourself down or pointing out
flaws.
• When people do things differently from you be respectful of those differences.
Attire
Attire is a key piece to a positive image and an important part of etiquette. As a leader, people will
look to you to see how to act, dress, and speak and the way we dress sends a message about the way
we feel about ourselves. You should select your clothes with a sense of confidence and authority.
Clothes should allow you to move and stand with ease and grace. They should be clean, wrinkle, stain,
and lint free. Your shoes should be polished and clean.
Grooming can not be overemphasized! Your hair should be clean and in place. If you are female, your
make up should be tastefully applied (remember the less is more approach). Everyone should wash
your hands and groom your nails before attending an event! Who wants to shake someone hands if
they appear dirty?
As a leader, you may be called upon to attend a function where the preferred attire is listed on the
invitation. In those cases, it can sometimes be difficult to decipher what is meant by the terms.
What is the difference between business and dressy casual? Some folks from the University of
Texas at Dallas, (http://www.utdallas.edu/~aria/dance/etiquette.html#Clothing), have provided us
with this information to help decode the message!
• Dressy Casual:
o Neatly pressed and clean slacks, skirts, or dresses
o Solid color t-shirts, mock turtleneck, polo shirt, collared or button down
shirts/blouses
• Semi-Formal:
o Men: neatly pressed dress pants, slacks, button shirts & ties (jackets are optional
but preferred)
o Ladies: evening dress, dinner dress, some pant suits
• Formal:
o Men: tuxedos, dark suits & ties
o Ladies: cocktail to floor length dresses (avoid sequins), nylons, dress shoes
• Black tie:
o Men: black tuxedo coat, trousers with satin ribbon, cummerbund and bow tie.
o Ladies: ball gowns
• Black tie optional:
o Men: option of wearing a regular suit with a tie
o Ladies: cocktail gown or dinner dress. Long to full-length skirts are preferred;
• White tie: Most formal category
o Men: black tailcoat with matching trousers, a white pique' tie, white pique' single or
double-breasted vest, and a wing-collar shirt with a stiff pique' front.
o Ladies: ball gown with a full skirt. Elbow-length gloves
But what about what not to wear? Here is a tried and true list that regardless of the situation
always fall in the DO NOT WEAR category!
• Tube/Halter tops and shirts
• Dresses with spaghetti straps
• Shorts, skirts or dresses that are not lower than your finger tips
• Ripped jeans
• Cut offs
• Attire with inappropriate messages/slogans/etc…
• Hats are never allowed in buildings
Meeting People
Both nonverbal and verbal behavior help to define your social skills. Using effective handshakes,
good eye contact, proper introductions show proper etiquette and are a sign of good manners. When
you meet people you should always pay careful attention to what others are saying. Smile, be at
ease, self-confident, composed and on good behavior. Speak well of others (regardless of your true
feelings). Look directly at a person when speaking and always use respectful words such as, Ma’am
and Sir, “Yes, Please” & “No, Thank You” or “Yes, Please Mr. Jones” & “No, Thank You Mrs. Johnson”
Handshakes
Handshakes are as important as your smile and tone of voice. They should be firm, with substance,
NOT a bone crusher, and not lifeless. Two to three seconds is long enough to hold a handshake.
Never shake hands with your left hand in your pocket, and never reach across a table to shake
hands with someone.
Introductions
Always take the initiative to introduce yourself. When in doubt introduce people (even if they
already know each other). Always remember that the youngest is introduced to oldest, or that lower
rank is introduced to higher rank. It would go something like this:
• Group: “(Group Name), this is Brandon Jones”
• Individual: “Brandon, I would like for you to meet Emma Bean, Emma, this is Brandon Jones”
If you forget a person’s name, admit that you have a mental block rather than obvious flailing
around.
Titles should always be used in introductions as well as in general conversation. ALWAYS use Mr. &
Ms. (use Mrs. only if you are sure someone is married AND prefers that title). If someone has a
PhD, DVM or MD, the use of Dr. is most appropriate. When in doubt, error on the side of being too
formal!!
Communications
Being able to effectively communicate with your peers and the public is very important. As a leader,
you may be called upon to write letters, send emails, attend conference calls, and do presentations.
Knowing the proper etiquette for email, voice mail, and phones will aid you in conducting yourself in a
professional manner
Public Cell Phone Etiquette
Cell phones are here to stay, and people are using them more and more for both business and
private calls. With an increasingly connected society, it is becoming more and more important to
know how to use these devices properly. The individuals at Info World, provide us with ten
rules to using your cell phone in a way that allows you to conduct business but as not to annoy
everyone around you!
• If you are in a situation where you can not move away from others, (a bus, theater, meeting,
dinner table) you should not be using your cell phone. No one wants to listen to your
conversation and it is rude to force them to do so.
• If you use your phone for business, keep the ringer to a normal phone ring, not the latest
Top 40 hit, or your favorite childhood song.
• Turn your cell phone off during public performances.
• You do not need more than one electronic device with you at a time. Either use your cell
phone or your PDA, not both.
• Do not ever use your cell phone while driving. Pull over, and save yourself and your fellow
drivers from a potentially dangerous situation.
• Especially when in a business situation, do not wear an earpiece or other attachment for
your phone.
• Do not scream into your cell phone. You should be able to use your normal speaking voice, or
do not make or receive a call. This prevents others from having to listen to your
conversations.
• You do not need to have your cell phone with you everywhere. In fact, there are some places
that a cell phone should never go- a hospital, house of worship, a classroom, etc.
• Do not try to show off all that your phone can do in a public place. It’s rude, unnecessary
and people do not want to see that your phone has 47 ring tones.
• Do not take your phone out of your pocket, purse, or bag when in a meeting, at a meal, or
other public venue just to hear it ring. Put it on vibrate or turn the ringer to a reasonable
level that you can hear with it still safely tucked away in your pocket, purse or bag.
Email is one of the easiest and fastest ways to communicate in today tech savvy society. Few people
do not have access to the internet and an email account. But as this medium has become more and
more popular, even for business purposes, the lines between good and bad manners seems to have
become blurred. The people at Dynamoo.com (http://www.dynamoo.com/technical/etiquette.htm)
have provided a great least of email Do’s and Don’ts!
Good Email Etiquette
• Do find out if your place of business or organization has a policy about email. This will let
you know what types of messages and be sent and received.
• Do think about the message content before you hit the send button. If you pause a moment
when thinking about your content, more than likely you should rethink sending the email!
• Do send relevant messages to people. Nobody likes junk mail.
• Do me polite. Again, if you reread and question something you said, others will as well.
• Do delete old messages when you hit the reply button. No one like to skim through pages of
text to get to the newest messages.
• Do use jokes and attempts a humor sparingly. If it’s a business email, remember that
smileys and the like are not appropriate.
• Do include a subject line and make it relevant to the message you are sending.
• Do include information from previous emails if it is necessary for the person reading, to
understand the current situation.
• Do be patient with people who are not familiar with email.
• Do always sign your emails with your actual name, not your email address or other alias.
• Do pay attention to whether or not a message is sent to a whole list of people. If the
message is going to a whole list of people from one person, only reply to the whole list if
absolutely necessary!
• Do delete information that isn’t necessary.
• Do tell people if you are sending an attachment, what the attachment is and why they need
it.
• Do let people know if you are forwarding their message to someone else, and if appropriate
ask if you may do so.
Bad Email Etiquette
• Don't reply to an email message when angry, you may regret it later.
• Don't copy a long message just to add a line or two of text such as "I agree".
• Don't type in CAPITALS as this is considered to be SHOUTING.
• Don't over-use punctuation such as exclamation marks ("!") as these are meant to be for
emphasis.
• Don't send irrelevant messages, especially to mailing lists or newsgroups.
• Don't send large attachments without checking with the recipient first.
• Don't send chain letters.
• Don’t send an email without first proofreading!
• Don't conduct arguments in public, for example on a mailing list.
• Don't make personal remarks about third parties.
• Don't send unsuitable email or attachments.
• Don't use an over-elaborate signature on your email message.
• Don't mark things as urgent if they aren't.
• Don't post your email address on web sites and other public parts of the Internet.
Telephone Etiquette
We have all been using the telephone for awhile, but it is still good to use proper etiquette when
using the phone for business. You should always make an agenda for the call, speak slowly, be polite
and friendly, and smile.
Within 24 hours, reply to voice mail. When leaving messages, start with your name, phone number
and the time and date of your call, speak slowly and clearly, be brief, let the person know the level
of importance (urgent, ASAP, etc.) and end the message by repeating your name and number.
When speaking with a business for the first time know who you need to speak with so you can ask
for them directly. If you do not speak with them directly, write down the name of the person with
whom you speak and the date and time you called for your records. Always, introduce yourself. If
the person you are looking for is away, ask when they will be available and when you will call back.
When you phone later, your call will be expected.
Dining Etiquette
As a leader you may be called upon to attend banquets, luncheons, or parties. Good table manners
are important part in leaving a favorable impression. Being in a formal setting, trying to enjoy a meal
can seem like to be almost an insurmountable task, however knowing a few key tips can make the
whole experience much more enjoyable. The individuals at the Career Center at Ball State
University (http://www.bsu.edu/students/careers/students/interviewing/dining/) and at Cruise Net
(http://www.cuisinenet.com/digest/custom/etiquette/manners_intro.shtml) have provided some
great information on dinner etiquette.
Let the host take the lead, when they unfold their napkin you do the same. Avoid foods that are
sloppy or are hard to eat. Be polite and courteous. Be comfortable and relaxed.
Basic Table Manners
• Eat with a fork unless the food is meant to be eaten with fingers.
• Don't stuff your mouth full of food.
• Chew with your mouth closed. This includes no talking with your mouth full.
• Don't make any rude comments about any food being served.
• Always say thank you when served something.
• If the meal is not buffet style, then wait until everyone is served before eating.
• Eat slowly, don't gobble up the food.
• When eating rolls, break off a piece of bread before buttering.
• Don't reach over someone's plate for something, ask for the item to be passed to you.
• Don't pick anything out of your teeth.
• Always use a napkin (which should be on your lap when not in use) to dab your mouth.
• When eating at someone's home or a guest of someone at a restaurant, always thank the
host and tell them how delicious it was, even if it wasn't.
Napkin Etiquette
Place the napkin on your lap. If it’s a small luncheon napkin, completely unfold it; if it’s a large dinner
napkin, fold it in half lengthwise. Your napkin remains on your lap throughout the entire meal. If you
leave the table during a dinner, place your napkin on your chair to signal to the server that you will
be returning. When you are finished dining, place your napkin neatly on the table to the right side
of the plate. Do not refold the napkin, but don't leave it crumpled up either.
Proper Passing
Food dishes are passed from left to right. When asked to pass a dish of food, it's okay to help
yourself to some but don’t take the last helping. Among friends, it’s fine to be informal and just use
fingers to take a cookie from a plate. To be more formal, small tongs can be used to pick up the
cookie. Take only one of anything, and then get seconds if there are any left.
Bread
Bread is best eaten by tearing off a bite-sized piece and then buttering that piece. If you are using
your hands to eat the meal then soaking up sauce while holding a piece of bun or tortilla with your
fingers is fine. If you are dining with a fork, tear off a bite-sized piece of bread and place it onto
the plate, and use the fork to retrieve the bread from the sauce or gravy.
Hope you enjoy it !
